Has the spark faded from your relationship?
You can rekindle that emotional bond with a bit of focused effort.
This 30-day challenge provides fun ideas to strengthen your partnership.
By carving out quality time, learning each other’s needs, introducing novelty, and practicing communication skills, you can rediscover the romance, friendship and mutual understanding at your relationship’s core.
If you’re ready to prioritize nurturing your love and get out of your rut, commit to doing these 30 things together over the next month to dramatically improve your relationship.
30 Day Relationship Challenge
Day 1: Take a Relationship Inventory
Grab a notebook and make two columns – “What’s Working” and “Needs Improvement.”
Under the first header, write down all the things you love and appreciate about your partner and relationship – their sense of humor, intelligence, attractiveness, shared values, ability to comfort you when you’re down, etc.
Under the second, note the areas that need work – lack of quality time, communication issues, conflicting priorities, trust issues, lack of intimacy, etc.
Taking time to write out this inventory will help you see the many good things between you, even if those positives feel overshadowed by problems at the moment.
The exercise also provides clarity on the specific relationship skills and dynamics that need your attention over the next 30 days.
Day 2: Set 1-2 Relationship Goals
Using the inventory from Day 1 of the relationship challenge, have an open and honest discussion with your partner about choosing 1-2 specific, measurable goals to consciously work toward together over the next 30 days. For example:
- Spend 30 minutes of device-free quality time together every evening
- Practice mindful, active listening when discussing problems without interrupting or judging
- Go on a fun date night twice a week
- Split household responsibilities more fairly by creating a chore chart
- Boost physical intimacy through actions like hugging, kissing, and massages
The important thing is to agree on goals that are small, realistic steps you can both take to improve your connection.
Having these mutual goals will give you something positive to focus on amidst the challenges.
Day 3: Start a Gratitude Journal
Each evening before going to sleep, take 5 minutes to write down 3-5 specific things you feel grateful for about your partner and your relationship.
Really reflect on the positive qualities you appreciate about them, as well as sweet moments from that day.
On day 7, share what you’ve written with your partner. Then, keep up the journaling throughout the 30 days.
This simple habit helps reorient your mindset to focus on what’s going right between you instead of getting bogged down by negatives.
It also reminds you of the thoughtful actions and endearing qualities that initially made you fall in love.
Day 4: Schedule Quality Time
It’s easy to get caught up in the busyness of everyday life and stop prioritizing one-on-one connection.
Combat this drift by establishing a daily ritual of spending 15-30 minutes of quality time together.
During this window, give your partner your complete, undivided attention. Put away your phones, turn off the TV, shut down your laptops – remove anything that might distract you.
Sit together, make eye contact, ask each other open-ended questions, chat about your days, play a game, take a walk – it doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you’re fully present.
Scheduling consistent quality time will prevent you from growing apart and will remind you both of the friendship and companionship that forms the foundation of your romantic relationship.
Day 5: Improve Listening Skills
Many conflicts arise from poor communication and one partner feeling misunderstood or unheard.
That’s why consciously improving your listening skills is critical for any relationship.
When your partner is speaking to you, especially about a sensitive topic, make a point to stop what you’re doing and give them your full focus.
Maintain eye contact. Don’t interrupt or start mentally preparing your response while they’re still talking.
Reflect back what you hear them saying in your own words to demonstrate you understand.
Ask thoughtful follow-up questions to gain clarity. Avoid judging, criticizing, or immediately offering unsolicited advice.
Making a pact to listen first and speak second when discussing problems prevents little issues from escalating into major fights.
The more you practice mindful, active listening, the more intimacy and mutual understanding will grow between you.
Day 6: Plan a Fun Weekly Date Night
Date nights are a staple bonding activity for couples, and for good reason!
Carving out consistent one-on-one time to enjoy each other’s company outside the normal routine is vital for feelings of happiness.
Sit down together and schedule a recurring date night every week – say Friday or Saturday evenings.
Take turns picking the activity so you both get quality time doing things you genuinely enjoy.
It could be going to see a movie, trying a new restaurant, checking out a local festival, bowling, mini golfing, going for a scenic hike, visiting a museum exhibit – anything that brings you together to have fun and make memories.
The change of scenery and focus from everyday stresses reignites the spark.
Plus, trying new experiences together creates excitement, bonding, and stories to laugh about later.
Day 7: Initiate Physical Affection
In the honeymoon phase, couples can barely keep their hands off each other.
But as you get deeper into a relationship, busy lives take over and physical touch often falls by the wayside.
Combat this natural drift by making affection a daily habit again. Initiate small acts of physical touch throughout the day.
A squeeze of the hand when you pass by, a kiss on the cheek before one of you leaves for work, a neck massage after a long day, a lingering hug, stroking your partner’s hair while you watch TV.
Physical touch triggers the release of oxytocin, the bonding hormone. Non-sexual touch conveys warmth, caring, and emotional intimacy.
You’ll be amazed by how just small doses of daily physical affection can boost your overall closeness and create a deeper connection.
Day 8: Identify Stress Triggers
In addition to strengthening your emotional bond it’s also important to understand underlying factors that affect your partnership.
Individual stress can frequently damage relationships.
Have an open discussion about things that tend to cause each of you stress in day-to-day life outside the relationship – demanding jobs, financial pressures, family issues, health problems, etc.
Also discuss how you each typically react when feeling anxious, overwhelmed or upset – snapping at loved ones, isolation, procrastination, anger, withdrawal, etc.
Simply understanding and being aware of potential stress responses breeds understanding and compassion between partners.
It helps prevent taking out frustration on each other.
It also allows you to strategize about ways to minimize or healthily cope with stressors together, whether that’s going on relaxing weekend getaways more often, setting financial goals, creating tech-free hours, or whatever works best for your situation.
Tackling stress as a team makes it feel less daunting.
Day 9: Surprise Each Other
When you first started dating, you likely went out of your way to plan sweet surprises that would delight your partner.
But as time goes on, such thoughtful gestures often fall by the wayside.
Combat the familiarity that creeps into any relationship by bringing back spontaneity.
Take turns thinking up and executing little surprises that will put a smile on the other’s face.
Leave affectionate notes hidden around the house for them to find. Cook their favorite meal without warning.
Bring home a small gift from a hobby shop you know they’ll love.
Draw them a bath at the end of a rough day. If appropriate, send flower deliveries to their workplace for no particular reason.
Pull together a spontaneous weekend picnic.
Big, flashy surprises aren’t needed. It’s the thought and creativity of your loving habits that count.
These little moments of unexpected delight reinforce that you are thinking of each other, appreciate each other, and are willing to go out of your way to promote joy in your relationship.
That keeps the spark alive!
Day 10: Compliment Each Other
Giving and receiving genuine, heartfelt compliments makes people feel seen, appreciated, and confident.
But in relationships, it’s easy to fall into the habit of keeping sentiments unspoken.
Make an effort to compliment your partner every day over the next 30 days.
Tell them what you find attractive about their appearance – their smile, their sense of style, their fitness level, a cute new haircut.
Note their admirable qualities like intelligence, curiosity, kindness, sense of humor, courage, loyalty, patience, devotion to their family and friends, etc.
Mention little things they do that brighten your day – making your perfect cup of coffee in the morning, always remembering your important work events, calming you down when you’re anxious, keeping the house tidy. You get the gist.
Specific, sincere compliments act as positive reinforcement.
They encourage more of the behaviors, attributes and actions you love and admire in your partner.
Verbalizing appreciation also boosts their confidence and self-esteem. And it just plain feels wonderful to hear!
Day 11: Establish Weekly Relationship Check-ins
It’s surprisingly easy for couples to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday responsibilities like work, errands, caring for kids, etc. and neglect making their relationship a priority.
Combat this tendency by establishing weekly relationship check-in meetings – a recurring time, free from all distractions, where you can touch base about how you both feel things are going, air out any concerns, share appreciation for each other, and nurture intimacy through conversation.
These check-ins provide crucial relationship maintenance. Treat the time as sacred. Turn off your phones, make eye contact, speak from the heart, and listen without judgment.
Celebrate the high points from the week, brainstorm improvements, express anything on your mind, and reinforce your commitment to growth.
Relationship check-ins offer a consistent space to voice appreciation, process challenges, and ensure you don’t take your partnership for granted.
They’re the perfect way to regularly “check under the hood” to assess what’s working well and what needs a tune up!
Day 12: Repeat Relationship Inventory
Remember the relationship inventory you made on Day 1 where you outlined strengths and weaknesses of your partnership? Today, grab your journal and repeat this exercise.
Make two columns again – positives and areas for improvement. Catalog all of the admirable qualities and wonderful aspects about your partner and relationship, as well as issues still needing attention.
When you compare your new inventory to the original one, what changes or progress do you notice over the past two weeks from implementing these relationship-building challenges? Have certain weaknesses decreased? Have new strengths emerged? Use these observations to celebrate growth while also guiding your focus going forward.
Day 13: Enjoy a Tech-Free Day Together
Technology overload runs rampant in society, and too much screen time gets in the way of true connection. Make a pact to go 24 hours tech-free together – no smartphones, tablets, laptops, television, social media.
Plan activities you can do offline that allow you to engage with each other fully. Go on a long nature walk.
Break out board games and play cards. Cook together. Cuddle up and read a book out loud.
Set up easels and paint. Engage in conversation without distraction. Savor the luxury of giving your partner your complete presence.
Day 14: Cook a Meal Together
Cooking dinner as a couple provides built-in bonding time.
Find a recipe you’re both excited about and head to the grocery store together to get ingredients. Play your favorite music while you cook side by side.
Have one person chop vegetables while the other stirs sauce – the collaboration itself is rewarding.
Cook together leisurely, taking time to sip wine, chat, and laugh along the way.
Don’t stress about perfection – messy mishaps make for future funny stories! Sit down and enjoy the meal you created. Clean up together after.
Day 15: Exercise Together
Working up a sweat is scientifically proven to release endorphins, relieve stress, and enhance mood. It also builds a sense of teamwork.
Choose an activity you enjoy as a couple – take a cycling class together, go rock climbing, play tennis, embark on a vigorous hike, try salsa dancing, sign up for a swim clinic.
Commit to pursuing fitness as a shared interest.
Exercising together provides an outlet to nurture your health in parallel.
It also gives you built-in time side by side to motivate and encourage each other as you grow stronger. And it can be quite romantic too!
Day 16: Volunteer Together
Volunteering for a cause you’re both passionate about cultivates a joint sense of purpose.
Help out at a homeless shelter, food pantry, animal rescue, environmental conservation nonprofit – wherever your values align.
Giving back gets you out of your regular routine together. It fosters teamwork as you work toward making a positive difference.
It also reinforces shared values and deepens your understanding of what matters most to your partner.
Volunteering together combines quality time, collaboration and meaning – a rewarding way to practice compassion while strengthening your bond.
Day 17: Enjoy Couples Relaxation
With so many responsibilities pulling you in different directions, it’s all too easy for self-care to fall by the wayside.
That’s why consciously carving out time for relaxation and serenity together is tremendously beneficial.
In the evenings after work, give each other slow massages using scented candles and essential oils to set a soothing ambiance.
Soak in the bathtub or hot tub together by candlelight – deep breathing and conversation flow freely in this environment.
Try a calming activity like yoga, tai chi or meditating side by side. Practice mindfulness, focusing completely on each other in the present moment.
Couples relaxation reduces stress while nurturing your physical and emotional well-being.
It reminds you both to slow down once in awhile and truly savor each other’s presence.
Day 18: Exchange Thoughtful Love Letters
In today’s digital age, sitting down to write old-fashioned, heartfelt love letters has fallen out of favor.
But communicating your feelings honestly through the written word fosters intimacy and provides a tangible keepsake.
Set aside time for you and your partner to each compose a love letter to the other.
Use your imagination and get creative. Include memories that made you fall in love, sweet moments you’ve shared, admirable qualities you see in your partner, future dreams and hopes, promises you intend to keep.
Really make an effort to convey your love and appreciation on paper. Then find a quiet time to take turns reading them aloud to each other.
The care put into crafting these letters speaks volumes. Having sentiments in writing to revisit will serve as a beautiful lasting reminder of your bond.
Day 19: Ask Open-Ended Questions
You’ve likely covered all the basics about each other’s pasts. But probing deeper with open-ended questions fosters a richer understanding between partners.
Take turns asking open questions about childhood memories, perspectives on big life issues, lessons learned from past relationships, future ambitions and dreams, inner values.
Start sentences with “What do you think about…?” “How did/does that make you feel?” “Why is _____ important to you?”
Follow up with “Tell me more” to draw out detailed feelings and experiences.
Active, responsive listening without judgment makes your partner feel truly seen and understood at a core level. It strengthens intimacy and a lasting bond.
Day 20: Make Each Other Laugh
Laughter releases pleasure-inducing chemicals that reduce stress and anxiety. A shared sense of humor also keeps life fun.
That’s why it’s important to consciously cultivate playfulness in your relationship.
Watch a comedy show or funny movie while cuddling up. Tell funny childhood stories and laugh about past antics together.
Spend time being silly – make goofy faces and voices. Play an improv game. Lightheartedness is contagious.
Laughing together forms a deep connection.
It’s also an excellent antidote to the mundane stresses of everyday life.
Never underestimate the bonding power of good humor!
Day 21: Discuss Your Relationship History
Having context about your relationship’s full story provides perspective and highlights how you’ve grown together.
Use today to have an open-ended discussion about your journey so far.
Share what first attracted you to each other. Relive the highlights of dating and your magical early days together.
Discuss the proposal, wedding, honeymoon, and other treasured memories. Be open about the various challenges you’ve faced over the years and how you overcame adversity.
What does your intuition tell you about the future?
Understanding all the ups and downs that have led to where you are now generates a sense of meaning.
Reflecting together reinforces that your relationship is built to last.
Day 22: Practice Mindful Hand-Holding
Hand-holding facilitates intimacy through quiet touch. Set aside 5 minutes to hold hands while looking into each other’s eyes. Focus fully on the physical sensation while sensing the emotion behind this joined grip.
Rub your thumbs in light circles over each other’s hands. How does connecting this way make you feel emotionally? Try it during conversation. Hold hands across the dinner table. Let linked hands express love on a leisurely stroll outside.
Focused hand-holding conveys “I’m here, I’m listening, I support you.” This small gesture carries powerful meaning.
Day 23: Complete a Puzzle Together
Choose an engaging jigsaw puzzle to work through as a couple – perhaps 1000 pieces depicting a scenic place you’ve visited together. Spread out all the pieces between you.
Sort through them slowly, looking for edge pieces first. Point out oddly shaped pieces that might be a part of the windmill or lighthouse. Speculate together about what the image will end up looking like.
As the puzzle gradually takes shape, celebrate the feeling of accomplishment.
This quiet but active collaboration fosters patience and teamwork. Puzzle time stimulates your minds while allowing conversation to flow freely. It’s a metaphor for piecing together a relationship.
Day 24: Discuss Your Love Languages
Read about psychologist Gary Chapman’s five love languages – gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch.
Take the love languages quiz to discover which ones you each value most.
Knowing your partner’s primary love languages allows you to intentionally express affection in ways most meaningful to them.
One may feel cherished through compliments while the other appreciates practical help around the house.
Strengthen your bond by aligning your love language efforts.
Share examples of when the other has effectively conveyed love to you in your optimal language.
Meet each other’s needs while also practicing using new languages that don’t come as naturally to you.
Day 25: Take a Trip Down Memory Lane
Reconnect with the foundations of your relationship by taking a nostalgic trip down memory lane together.
Dig up old photo albums from when you first met. Scroll back through social media to revisit special moments.
Watch home videos if you have them.
Reminisce fondly about your first date, when you said “I love you,” moving in together, getting engaged, your wedding, honeymoon highlights, and all the adventures since.
Share funny stories and embarrassing moments that you can now laugh about.
Taking this stroll through the past replenishes your shared story.
It has a positive impact and rekindles the magic of your beginnings, strengthening your commitment to creating future memories together.
Day 26: Make Homemade Pizza Together
There’s something irresistible about homemade pizza that brings people together.
Choose inventive toppings that reflect both your tastes. Make the dough from scratch – knead it together while chatting.
Spread the sauce yourself. Sprinkle cheese creatively. Add veggies, meat, pineapple – whatever your hearts desire!
Getting creative in the kitchen sparks fun.
Bake your personalized pie, then enjoy eating it straight from the pan as you reminisce about pizzerias of your past.
Leftovers guarantee additional bonding time. Pizza making satisfies cravings while nurturing your partnership.
Day 27: Exchange Appreciation Cards
Expressing gratitude strengthens bonds. Make DIY appreciation cards for your partner to describe what you cherish about them.
Use card stock, craft supplies, photos, magazine cutouts – anything to make them personalized.
Write a heartfelt message about their loyalty, their willingness to compromise, how they comfort you when you’re down, their devotion to your family, their incredible patience, or any other trait you admire. Add some inside jokes too!
Present your cards to each other. These physical tokens of gratitude can be treasured forever.
Day 28: Recreate Your First Date
Plan a night to recreate your original first date as closely as possible. Go back to the same restaurant. Order the same meals.
Stroll down the same paths. Return to the first bar you grabbed drinks at. Play the same pool game. Listen to the song you slow danced to.
Relive the excitement and jittery butterflies of getting to know each other.
Reminisce about your first impressions and when you realized your connection was special. Recreating this night transports you back to falling in love.
Day 29: Write Each Other a Song
If either of you has musical talent, compose a simple song expressing your affection. Include meaningful memories that shaped your love.
Even if you’re not musically gifted, pick a romantic song with lyrics that speak to your unique relationship. Play it for your partner while holding hands.
Sing it together silly and off-key if you want!
The act of dedicating a special song to capture your emotions allows music to deepen intimacy.
Day 30: Reflect on Your Journey
You’ve nearly completed this 30-day relationship challenge!
Set aside some time today for you and your partner to relax together while reflecting on the experience.
What activities did you enjoy most?
How did intentionally focusing for a month strengthen your connection?
What insights did you gain and what changes did you observe?
Are there any habits you want to keep implementing?
Verbalizing these observations cements the growth and benefits. It also provides motivation to keep nurturing your partnership long after the 30 days end.
Stay positive, keep investing in each other, and cherish your lifelong journey together!
