If you’ve experienced betrayal trauma following a broken relationship and feel overwhelmed and uncertain about how to move forward, I’m here to tell you that you can reclaim your life and find strength in your resilience.
I know first-hand how difficult it can be to heal from a betrayal. One of my ex-boyfriends was what you would call a serial cheater. I left that relationship so hurt, anxious, and depressed. I had major trust issues and could not let any other guy get close to me for such a long time.
I’m in a healthy relationship now, but getting here took a lot of work. Naturally, I first had to get over the trauma of being betrayed.
And with the right tools and support, you too, can heal from the pain and move forward.
From cultivating self-care habits to seeking professional help, I’ll cover everything you need to know to start your journey towards recovery.
What is betrayal trauma?
Betrayal trauma is the experience of a broken trust and feeling betrayed by someone you care about. In an intimate relationship, betrayal trauma can arise when one person cheats or is unfaithful, lies to or deceives their partner, forces them into a sexual experience they don’t want, or has an affair.
What are the signs and symptoms of betrayal trauma?
Betrayal trauma can manifest itself in both physical and psychological ways. Signs and symptoms of betrayal trauma can vary from person to person but often include feelings of shock, disbelief, intense anger or sadness, depression, anxiety and confusion.
You may also have difficulty sleeping, concentrating or focusing on tasks. Other signs of betrayal trauma may include constantly feeling on edge, changes to appetite or weight, problems and feelings of isolation or detachment from those around you.
Get Over Your Betrayal Trauma: A Step-by-Step Guide
The process of healing from betrayal trauma requires hard work and commitment. Here are some practical steps you can take to help you move through the pain of betrayal and reclaim your life.
Acknowledge Your Emotions
The first step in overcoming betrayal trauma is acknowledging and accepting your feelings. Only once you have identified and accepted the pain can you take steps to manage it. You may feel grief, anger, hurt, sadness, or a combination of emotions – all these responses are natural and valid.
Allow yourself to feel these emotions and express them in healthy ways. This can be done through writing, talking to a loved one or professional, listening to music or engaging in physical activity like walking or running – whatever helps you release the intense feelings. While it may be difficult, acknowledging your emotions is the first step in overcoming betrayal trauma.
Learn to Forgive
Forgiveness starts with understanding. Understanding what happened, why it happened and how it affected you can help you gain perspective and unlock feelings of compassion for yourself and those involved in the betrayal. Recognising that we are all human and make mistakes can be a helpful tool when learning to forgive. Lastly, practice self-compassion and be gentle with yourself during this process.
Here are some steps to help you:
1. Identify what you need to forgive – is it the person, the betrayal, or both?
2. Reflect on how you were affected – understanding and acknowledging your pain can help heal.
3. Forgive yourself for being hurt – this doesn’t mean that you condone what happened; it means releasing yourself from the guilt and shame of being hurt by another.
4. Finally, forgive the person who betrayed you – this will help you release any lingering anger or resentment towards them and move forward with your life.
These steps may not be easy at first, but they are essential for helping you to overcome betrayal trauma.
Get Professional Support
Sometimes it can be difficult to process traumatic events on your own, which is why professional help can be beneficial in overcoming betrayal trauma. A qualified therapist or counsellor can help you understand your emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms. They can also provide a safe space to talk about the betrayal and offer advice on moving forward constructively.
If you feel that professional help is necessary, many options are available. Start by asking your friends and family if they have any recommendations. You can also search online for local therapists or use a service like BetterHelp to find accredited professionals with experience in trauma therapy. When interviewing potential therapists, ask questions about their qualifications and experience and ask for a free initial consultation to get a feel for their approach.
Create Your Own Healing Path
Once you have identified your emotions, understood the situation, learned to forgive and sought professional help, you can start creating your own healing path.
Creating your own healing path can involve finding activities that help you focus on the present moment and give you a sense of peace. This could be anything from meditation to journaling, walking in nature or listening to music.
I really recommend journalling as part of this process. Journaling is a great way to express your thoughts and feelings in a safe and non-judgmental environment. To get started,
1. Write down any emotions that come up for you, followed by what you are grateful for now.
2. Once you’ve written down your emotions, write out questions you have about the situation and answer them honestly.
3. Finally, reflect on what you’ve written and brainstorm ways of dealing with your emotions in the future.
Take Care of Your Physical Health
Physical health is just as crucial as mental health when recovering from betrayal trauma. Sleep well, eat a nutritious diet, and exercise regularly to keep your body strong and fuel your recovery journey. Here are some tips for taking care of yourself.
1. Getting Your Best Sleep Ever
Getting a good night’s sleep is essential for your physical and mental health. To ensure you get a restful sleep every night, create an environment that promotes relaxation. Ensure your bedroom is dark and quiet, and turn off all screens at least an hour before bedtime. Avoid caffeine in the afternoon and heavy meals before bed. To help your body relax, practice deep breathing exercises or listen to calming music before sleep. Finally, establish a routine by going to bed and waking up at the same time each day.
2. Nourish Your Body
Eating healthy is a great way to support your recovery process. Start by stocking your kitchen with nutritious foods such as fruits, vegetables, whole grains and lean proteins. Make sure you have snacks available to keep your energy levels up throughout the day and try to eat regular meals consistently so your body can stay nourished.
Lastly, reduce your intake of processed foods and try to cook with natural ingredients whenever possible. Doing so will help keep your body strong and energised, allowing you to progress towards healthily healing from betrayal trauma.
3. Recharge with Regular Exercise
Exercising regularly is an important part of staying healthy and caring for yourself. To start, decide what kind of physical activity you like, such as walking, running, swimming or yoga. Once you have a plan, carve out time in your schedule to do it. That could be 30 minutes, three times a week or an hour every day.
Try to find a workout buddy and make it fun by playing music, listening to podcasts or watching videos while working out. Lastly, reward yourself for completing each session – whether with a massage or simply relaxing and enjoying a cup of tea. Doing this will help keep you motivated and make exercise an integral part of your daily routine.
Spend Time With People You Love
Spending time with loved ones is a great way to overcome tough times. Talking about your feelings with people who care about you can help you gain perspective and find comfort in difficult times. You can also lean on the support of family and friends for emotional healing, as well as their advice and encouragement. Spending quality time with those close to you helps to remind you that you are not alone and that there is always someone willing to listen.
Talking to those close to you about your feelings of betrayal can be difficult, but it is an essential step in the healing process. Start by choosing a time and place where you feel comfortable and safe and someone you trust and can rely on for support. Then express your emotions clearly and openly without fear or judgement, letting your loved ones know you need someone to listen.
With their understanding and compassion, they will be better able to offer insight and support, helping you overcome betrayal trauma.
Practice Self-Care
Self-care is essential in the recovery process from betrayal trauma. Taking time to prioritise your needs helps build your inner strength, allowing you to better cope with difficult times and progress towards healing.
Self-care can include practices such as pampering yourself with a massage or spa day, going on a nature walk, journaling your thoughts and feelings, or simply taking a break from the demands of daily life to relax.
To practice effective self-care, engage in activities that bring you joy and peace. This could include anything from art to cooking, exercise, or even a nap with your favourite blanket.
Try to set aside time each day for yourself, and come up with a list of activities that you find calming and enjoyable. Make sure to do something from this list at least once daily. It will help you build strength and resilience, allowing you to come one step closer to healing from betrayal trauma.
Focus on the Positive
Focusing on the positive when dealing with betrayal trauma can be hard, but it is essential for healing. Taking time to refocus your attention away from negative thoughts and feelings towards positive ones helps to rebuild self-esteem and confidence. Remember all the good things in life, note every accomplishment and success, and find joy in the little things. Practice gratitude, expressing thanks for all you have and all that has been given to you.
By focusing on the positive, you can create a more balanced mindset, allowing yourself to move forward with confidence and hope as you continue your recovery from betrayal trauma. So take a few moments each day to celebrate the good things in life, and remember that there is always something to be thankful for.
Rebuild Your Trust
Betrayal trauma can leave you feeling anxious, untrusting and shut off from other people. Slowly start rebuilding trust again, as this is vital for our emotional well-being and mental health. Start by trusting yourself. Open your heart again and allow yourself to feel what you need. Once you’ve done this, reach out to a close friend or family member you can trust and confide in them about what happened. Building healthy relationships with people who care about us is essential for our recovery, so don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help when needed.
Trust the process
Believe that despite what happened, you can get through this and come out stronger on the other side. Understand that healing takes time and patience, and know that even though it may feel like there is no way out right now, good things will come in due time. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you feel progress is slow. Believe in yourself, trust the process, and take each day as it comes – eventually, the pain of betrayal trauma will lessen, and you will find yourself on the other side – whole and healed.
Reclaiming Hope and Moving Forward After Betrayal Trauma
Betrayal trauma can be a particularly difficult experience to come back from, but it is not impossible. You can take steps towards healing and recovery by recognising the signs and symptoms of betrayal trauma, talking to those close to you about your feelings, practising self-care, and focusing on the positive. With understanding and patience, you will be able to move through this difficult time and become stronger and more resilient
FAQ’s
Q: How can I get over betrayal trauma?
A: The process of recovering from betrayal trauma takes time and patience. Practice self-care, reach out for social support, focus on the positive, and talk to a mental health professional for additional guidance. Also, engaging in physical exercise, relaxation techniques such as yoga or meditation, and creative pursuits such as art or music therapy can all help you on the road to recovery.
Q: What should I do if I find myself struggling with betrayal trauma?
A: Reach out for social support from those close to you if you are struggling with betrayal trauma. You should talk to a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counsellor, who can help provide additional guidance and resources. Taking time for yourself and engaging in activities that bring you joy can also be beneficial.
