Having a boyfriend who lies can be one of the most challenging and heartbreaking situations to experience in any relationship. Feeling betrayed, confused, and hurt is natural when someone you love is not being truthful with you.
When I talk about a “lying boyfriend”, I’m referring to a partner who is consistently and intentionally dishonest with you.
This could include everything from minor white lies all the way up to severe deceptions such as cheating or hiding major life decisions from you.
If your boyfriend is lying to you, it’s essential to address this issue as soon as possible.
Here I’ll discuss ways you can confront your boyfriend about his lies, address the underlying issues that may be causing him to lie, and take care of yourself while trying to repair your relationship.
With these strategies, you can learn how to handle a lying boyfriend compassionately.
Signs of a lying boyfriend
Firstly, how can you tell if your boyfriend is lying to you? Here are some of the most common ways to tell:
- He avoids eye contact when talking about specific topics or altogether
- His stories don’t add up, or he changes them often
- He often looks away or fidgets while speaking
- He has difficulty remembering what he said previously
- He stammers or pauses before responding to questions
Suppose your partner displays any of these behaviours regularly. In that case, it could be a sign that he is dishonest with you. Pay attention and note his behaviour so you can address it appropriately.
How to deal with a lying boyfriend
If you think your boyfriend is lying to you, knowing how to handle the situation can be difficult. But there are ways that you can deal with the situation in a productive and non-confrontational way.
Confront your boyfriend about his lies
Confronting your boyfriend about his lies is the first step towards understanding why he is being untruthful.
When you are ready, sit down with him and explain that you know he has been lying to you and ask why he chose to do this instead of being honest with you.
Keep an open mind while listening to what he has to say, and try not to be too accusatory or judgmental when asking questions – just focus on gathering more information so that both of you can move forward.
Ask questions to get to the truth
Ask him open-ended questions such as “What made you feel like it was okay to lie to me?” or “How did you think I would react if I knew the truth?” Your goal should be to understand his motives and gain clarity on what happened so you can move forward honestly.
Express how his lies have impacted you
Letting your boyfriend know how his lies have impacted you emotionally is vital for healing and rebuilding trust in the relationship. Tell him how it feels when he keeps secrets from you and how it has made you feel betrayed and disrespected.
Explain that his dishonesty is undermining the trust between the two of you and that it needs to stop for your relationship to move forward.
Discuss what led him to lie
Once you’ve both expressed your feelings about his lies, start discussing what might have caused him to be dishonest in the first place. Is there something he feels insecure or ashamed about? Does he fear rejection or criticism? By talking openly and honestly about these underlying issues, you can gain insight into why he chose to act dishonestly and come up with ways to address these issues together.
Give him space if needed
Recognise that your boyfriend may need space after confronting him about his dishonesty. If he does, don’t take it personally and try to give him the time and distance he needs to process the situation. You can always revisit the conversation in a few days when you have had time to reflect on what happened.
Take Time For Yourself
It’s also important to take some time while dealing with a lying boyfriend. This will allow you to gain clarity on how best to proceed and give you the strength to face any difficult conversations that may arise. Spend time with friends and family, do activities that make you happy, or give yourself space to relax and reflect.
Set boundaries and let him know that lying is unacceptable
You must set boundaries to move forward from your partner’s dishonesty and rebuild trust. Ensure your boyfriend knows that lying will not be tolerated in your relationship. Explain the consequences of his actions if he chooses to lie again. You can both agree on rules and expectations for how you will communicate and the consequences of breaking them. This will help him understand that you take the issue seriously and are committed to maintaining an honest and open relationship.
Focus on rebuilding trust slowly over time
Once you both feel comfortable discussing the issue, make a plan to rebuild trust between you. Start with small steps, such as meeting each other halfway if one person has more difficulty trusting or committing to being honest in future conversations. As your relationship progresses, you can continue to build on this progress and focus on regaining trust between you.
Don’t forget to forgive
No matter how frustrated or hurt you may feel by your partner’s lies, don’t forget to forgive them – both yourself and your boyfriend. Forgiving each other doesn’t mean condoning his behaviour; it simply means understanding that mistakes have been made and your relationship is worth saving. With patience, honesty, and a commitment to rebuilding trust between you, you can create an even stronger bond than ever before.
Talk to a therapist or counsellor for extra support
If you’re struggling with the situation alone, consider talking to a therapist or counsellor for extra support. A professional can provide an objective perspective and offer advice about managing the issue and working towards healing. They can identify any underlying issues contributing to the problem and develop strategies for addressing them together. With their guidance, you can move forward healthily and positively.
Make the best decision for you
Overall, dealing with a lying boyfriend can be an emotionally draining experience. But it is possible to overcome this challenge.
By discussing why your boyfriend lies, setting firm boundaries, and focusing on rebuilding trust slowly over time, you can create an even stronger bond than before.
Alternatively, you might decide you don’t want to be with him anymore, which is okay. Ultimately you need to do what is best for you!
