Ladies, if you’ve spent any time swiping on dating apps lately, you’ve probably asked yourself – are most guys on these apps really looking for a relationship or just a hookup?
This is a super common question and source of major frustration for many women using platforms like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, etc.
The short answer is – it truly depends on the individual guy! Some men are absolutely using dating apps to find a serious girlfriend and form a long-term relationship.
Personally, I’ve found guys on Match and eHarmony tend to be more interested in finding a serious relationship.
However, there are definitely plenty of guys who join these apps solely to find flings, casual entanglements, and hookups with no strings attached.
The key is learning how to quickly identify and weed out the guys who are not looking for anything serious from the get-go.
This will save you from wasting days, weeks, or even months talking to matches who were never relationship material in the first place.
Ahead, I’ll explore the approach serious boyfriends take on dating apps compared to hookup seekers.
You’ll learn the most common signs and red flags that signal a guy is a player versus relationship material.
I’ll also provide some pro tips and strategies you can use to filter out the hookup hungry dudes from the relationship-ready fellas.
Be Wary of F*ckboys and Players
Of course, while some men on dating apps are absolutely relationship material, these apps can also be a playground for f*ckboys, womanizers, and players just trying to find their next score.
These smoothtalking Casanovas know dating apps give them an endless buffet of dating options. They love taking advantage of the low stakes and noncommittal vibe many women on these apps put out.
After all, it’s easy for them to ghost or unmatch with women once they get what they’re after.
For these hustlers, dating apps are simply an efficient way to hook up with as many gorgeous women as possible while exerting minimal effort.
They have zero desire for an actual relationship no matter how incredible of a catch you are!
Some common f*ckboy hallmarks to look out for:
- Pushy about meeting up right away before getting to know you
- Showers you with over-the-top flattery about your looks
- Sends messages focused solely on sex or physical compliments
- Refuses to commit to concrete date plans
- Obviously has a flaky history with other women
If you detect a match gives off serious player vibes, feel free to unmatch them instantly. Don’t waste your precious time! Immediately block f*ckboys so you never have to deal with their nonsense again.
Carefully Vet Each and Every Match
Okay, so how do you separate the keepers looking for love from those hungry hustlers just trying to get some? Here are some useful tips and strategies to vet your matches wisely:
Read bios thoroughly. Does his profile clearly state he’s seeking a relationship or long-term partner? Or does it hint he’s only down for casual entanglements? Many guys will straight up admit if they’re not looking for commitment. Believe them!
Have substantive conversations. Don’t just exchange meaningless niceties. Dive into thoughtful discussions by asking questions about his job, family, goals, hobbies and friendships. Look for insightful questions back about your life. Is he showing genuine interest in who you are as a human?
Go slowly and be wary of pushiness. Beware if a match tries to hurriedly move things from match to real life meetup without taking the time to establish rapport. Contrarily, relationship-minded men who dig your vibe will be excited to lay the groundwork before rushing to hang out.
Listen to your instincts. Your gut is powerful! If a convo leaves you with an overall icky feeling for whatever reason, trust your intuition. Don’t make excuses for weird vibes or try to give constant benefit of the doubt.
Observe his conversational style. Is he thoughtful and asks engaging questions about your day to day life? Or do his messages seem copy/pasted and emotionally distant? Men who are relationship-ready will be invested in getting to know the real you.
Consider his lifestyle. Does his lifestyle seem conducive to dating? Like having a stable job, regular schedule, own place, etc. Or does he seem like an unstable partier boy you’d have to constantly babysit and worry about?
State Your Intentions Clearly From the Jump
Don’t be afraid to explicitly state in your profile that you’re seeking a serious relationship – not looking for hookups or casual situationships!
This will make your romantic goals crystal clear to any potential matches.
Example bio phrases like “In search of my future hubby – no players!” or “Ready to find the real deal, not interested in wasting time with dead-end flings.” can help repel f*ckboys right off the bat.
During conversations, casually mention how you’re in the market for a relationship you can build into something meaningful long-term.
Men seriously wanting commitment will be thrilled to discuss relationship potential further.
Players on the other hand will likely cut conversations short once they realize you clearly aren’t down for their usual antics and hookup agenda. But for you, that’s a win! Good riddance.
Watch Out for Sneaky Breadcrumbing Tactics
One underhanded tactic some shady men use is called “breadcrumbing.” This is when they string you along with occasional flirty messages just to keep you intrigued without any actual commitment or effort on their end.
Watch out for matches who:
- Only message at odd times sporadically (like late at night on weekends)
- Flake on making concrete plans yet swear they want to meet up “soon”
- Reply inconsistently and leave things vague
- Text sweet nothings but never lock in dates
These tricksters get an ego boost from keeping your attention even though they have zero intent of seriously dating you. Don’t let these benchwarmers take up space in your dating app inbox! Delete and block them without hesitation.
Don’t Lose Hope – The Good Ones Are Out There!
At the end of the day, dating apps are what you make of them. It’s up to you to set the tone and only engage matches aligning with the type of relationship you want.
The key is going in with clear boundaries, high standards, and wisdom to identify time-wasters off the bat. Always trust your gut! If something seems off about a match, don’t doubt yourself or try to see the good.
Block and delete any guy who doesn’t meet your criteria or gives you weird vibes right off the bat. Don’t waste an ounce emotional energy on them.
Stay confident in what you bring to the table and don’t settle for less than you deserve. There are still SO many sweet, honest, mature men on dating apps looking for the exact same thing you are!
Finding each other is just a matter of cutting through the riffraff efficiently.
