Going through a breakup is hard enough. But when your ex is a narcissist, it can be even more confusing.

You may be left wondering – does a narcissist miss you? Or did they just move on to their next source of narcissistic supply?

The truth is, it’s complicated. Narcissists have a complex set of behaviors and motivations. So whether or not your narcissistic ex misses you depends on many factors.

Having dated a narcissist for many, many years, I can say that it really took me a while to understand that he didn’t actually miss me, but he missed what I provided for him.

Its a hard pill to swallow but it’s really important to understand so you can move on and heal.

To help you on your path to understanding, I’m going to break down the exact signs that a narcissist misses your supply, red flags they haven’t changed, and most importantly, how to healthily let go and move forward.

Do Narcissists Miss Their Exes?

Narcissists need constant validation and attention – it’s like a drug to them. So in some ways, they miss the supply their partners provided, not the person themselves.

Here are some signs your narcissistic ex may miss you:

Randomly Contacts You Out of The Blue

Narcissists may sporadically text or call you weeks or months after the breakup, even if they discarded you.

This serves two purposes for them – first, to test the waters and see if you’re still an option for supply.

And second, to lead you on just enough and stir up nostalgia, so you still stay hooked as backup supply.

These random contacts keep you questioning the relationship status so they can come back whenever they please.

Hoovering Attempts

If the narcissist is bored, lacks sufficient new supply, or got dumped by their newest targets, they may try to “hoover” (named after the Hoover vacuum for “sucking you back in”) you back into the relationship through excessive contacting, sweet talking, love bombing, and empty promises about how much they’ve changed or want to make it work.

Hoovering is often strongest right after the breakup when they’re most afraid of losing their grip on you.

Social Media Spying

Your narcissistic ex may stalk your social media accounts to see what you’re up to these days, if you look happy without them, who you’re dating, or if you have any exciting vacations, parties, or events coming up that they could gain access to.

Spying provides intel they can use to keep their hooks in you or exploit you further.

Triangulation Efforts

Narcissists may flaunt their new relationships, friendships, hookups, or love interests in your face, whether real or made up, to try to make you jealous.

This triangulation is intended to trigger a competition for their affection and an incentive for you to “win them back.” They want you to fight for them and prove your love.

Playing the Victim

Your narcissistic ex may reappear claiming you were the problem all along and they miss the “old you” from the very beginning of the relationship before things supposedly went wrong.

This tactic makes you feel guilty for abandoning them when they “needed you most” and obligated to prove your love and repair the problems.

Why Would a Narcissist Miss You After a Breakup?

Narcissists don’t feel love, attachment, or even sentimentality about past relationships like emotionally healthy people do.

But they do very much miss the practical uses, benefits, perks, and sense of power that came from having you in their lives as their intimate partner.

Here are some of the reasons a narcissist might miss you:

Loss of Supply

You provided a steady stream of attention, affection, praise, validation, and other supplies. Losing you means losing all their precious narcissistic supply.

Blow to Their Ego

Being left by a romantic partner is very damaging to a narcissist’s inflated yet fragile ego. They can’t believe they aren’t powerful enough to keep you under their spell no matter how badly they treated you.

Loneliness

Despite their grandiose facades, narcissists often feel empty inside without any close relationships to manipulate and control. Ending the relationship leaves a void.

Loss of Status

Having a significant other, especially an attractive or successful one, adds to a narcissist’s status and self-image. Being single makes them feel inferior and deficient.

Loss of Intimacy

Physical and emotional intimacy provides narcissists with validation and excitement. Losing a primary intimate relationship leaves them feeling bored and insecure.

Family Upheaval

Breaking up the family unit, especially if kids are involved, threatens a narcissist’s public reputation as a partner, parent, etc.

Financial Support

If you earned more money or provided financial help, they lose that benefit and security.

Signs Their Interest in You Again is Genuine

If your narcissistic ex does try to come back into your life and re-establish contact, how do you discern whether they genuinely miss you versus just miss your former role as their supply source?

Here are some signs their interest in you may be sincere and authentic this time around:

• They take accountability for their past toxic behaviors, lies, and transgressions in the relationship rather than blaming everything on you.
• They communicate with honesty, vulnerability, and emotional depth rather than just trying to sound good or shower you with artificial compliments.
• They show concern for your feelings and needs, make compromises, and meet you halfway rather than demanding things only on their terms.
• They respect your boundaries, space, and independence rather than trying to control or smother you.
• They demonstrate patience, consistency, and follow-through rather than just making empty claims about changes they’ll make.
• The ways they try to bond with you involve substantive emotional intimacy rather than superficial gifts, flattery, and physical intimacy alone.
• You observe compassion, generosity, and wisdom in their other current relationships, not just with you.

However, it’s very rare for a narcissist to permanently change their true colors. P

roceed with extreme caution even if a narcissistic ex comes back seemingly devoted, humble, and promising you the world.

Look for consistent behavioral changes over several years, not just initial idealization.

Ways to Tell If a Narcissist is Still Manipulating You

When trying to discern if a narcissist’s renewed interest in you after a breakup is sincere, be very wary of the following manipulation tactics:

Love bombing – Excessive flattery, affection, gifts, promises about the future, and praise aimed to “win you over” yet again and regain control.

Breadcrumbing – Leaving “breadcrumbs” of interest such as liking your posts, vague texts, or running into you places to keep you clinging to hope without offering any substance.

Intermittent reinforcement – Mixing in occasional positive reinforcement like compliments or apologies with a majority of indifference, hot/cold behavior, defensiveness, or cruelty to keep you chasing their validation.

Deathbed promises – Dramatic proclamations that they’ve “seen the light,” changed their ways, and want you back right when the relationship is ending and they have nothing left to lose.

Blaming others – Nothing is ever fully their fault. They deflect accountability for the breakup by point fingers at you, their exes, parents, traumatic pasts, or anything else.

Lack of follow-through – Bold promises and claims about positive changes they intend to make, with no substantial action to back it up.

At even the smallest red flag or instinct that this person is reverting to old narcissistic habits and manipulation tactics, call them out immediately to test their reaction.

If they become defensive, abusive, or abandon their efforts, you have your answer – this leopard hasn’t changed its spots.

Should You Let a Narcissistic Ex Back Into Your Life After a Breakup?

If a narcissistic partner who previously mistreated or discarded you tries to come back into your life, claiming to have changed and miss you terribly, proceed with extreme caution.

Do not let your emotions or wishes cloud your judgment. Consider the following:

Are you only remembering and idealizing the good times with rose-colored glasses? Remember, even the happiest moments in a narcissistic relationship rarely last long before new pains are inflicted.

Have they fully acknowledged the ways they hurt you in the past relationship without blaming you or making excuses? If not, that is a huge red flag.

Are you hoping that this time around, the relationship will be different long-term? Remember, narcissists rarely change at their core no matter how convincingly they pretend to in the short-term.

Are you currently in a lonely or vulnerable place in life where you may be more susceptible to their manipulation tactics? Make sure you are mentally strong enough right now to say no.

Is there irrefutable evidence through their actions over a long period of time that they have changed for good? Grand gestures mean little coming from narcissists. Look for consistency.

Ultimately, letting a known narcissistic partner back into your life after they previously discarded you is an enormous gamble that often ends in familiar patterns of pain and abuse.

Protect yourself by going full no contact if you have any doubts or lingering feelings which complicate your discernment.

How to Move On from a Narcissist After a Breakup

More often than not, the healthiest path forward after breaking up with a narcissist is to go completely no contact, work on healing yourself, and let them become a closed chapter in your past.

Here are tips on how to start feeling better:

Go cold turkey – Block their number, email, social media accounts, and make sure all friends/relatives know not to communicate anything about them to you. Remove all possible access to you.

Seek therapy – Work with a professional to address any core wounds, codependency issues, or vulnerability factors that contributed to attracting and staying with a narcissist so you don’t repeat the pattern.

Educate yourself – Read up extensively on identifying narcissists’ manipulative behaviors, abuse tactics, and phases of idealization and devaluation so you don’t fall for another one.

Join support groups – Connect with fellow survivors of narcissistic abuse and betrayal trauma to validate your experiences and know you aren’t alone.

Make your own growth a priority – Nourish your soul by exploring new hobbies, making new friends, traveling, learning new skills, focusing on your career, and tending to your physical health.

Release anger and resentment – Free yourself from the emotional bonds by working through feelings of injustice over the relationship in healthy ways, not harboring bitterness.

Love yourself – Treat yourself with the care, compassion, respect, and unconditional acceptance you deserve. The narcissist envied your inner light. Let it shine brighter.

The narcissist likely hoped to leave you broken, second-guessing yourself, and pining for them long after the relationship ended.

Prove them wrong by building a life that is rich, meaningful, purpose-driven, and free from their toxicity or control over your emotions.

The best long-term revenge is your own success, inner peace, and refusal to look back.