You’ve been dating a guy for a while now. Things are going great – you have amazing chemistry, you enjoy spending time together, and you can really see a future with him.
There’s just one problem: he doesn’t seem to want to commit to a serious relationship.
Sound familiar?
I’ve personally been in this situation and it’s super frustrating.
But there are things you can do to get him to commit. You just have to be smart about it.
Making a guy commit can be tricky. You need to understand why he’s unsure, make him see that the last thing he’ll want is to lose you, and possibly drop some hints.
You don’t want to be too pushy and scare him off. But you also don’t want to just wait around for years hoping he’ll eventually decide he’s ready.
Because honestly as a male friend once told me, “If a guy really wants to commit, he will”.
So with that said, let’s dig a little deeper into how you can get your guy to commit.
How to get him to commit to a serious relationship
Understand Why He’s Hesitant
Before trying to get him to commit, you need to understand why he might be stalling in the first place. Here’s some common reasons guys usually avoid commitment:
He’s not over his ex
If he just got out of a committed relationship, the breakup is probably still fresh. He may need more time to heal before getting serious with someone new.
He’s enjoying playing the field
Some guys simply aren’t ready to settle down. They like dating around and aren’t prepared to commit to one woman. If that’s the case, run away now.
He has fears about losing his freedom
Many men are worried that commitment means sacrificing their independence. Assure him that won’t be the case.
He’s scared of getting his heart broken
If he’s been hurt before it can make it hard for him to trust again. Be patient and show him you’re different.
He’s not sure you’re “the one” yet
He may need more time to develop deeper feelings before taking that next step.
Once you’ve worked out why he’s hesitant about commitment, you can decide how you’ll approach the situation accordingly.
The key is making him feel safe, secure and valued – not pressured.
Make Yourself Someone He Can’t Afford to Lose
One of the most powerful ways to get a guy to commit is to make yourself someone he can’t bear to lose. How do you do this?
By being an amazing girlfriend he’s thrilled to have in his life.
Be supportive
Cheer him on as he goes after his goals and dreams. Be his #1 fan. Guys want to commit to women who truly have their backs.
Don’t make demands
Don’t pressure him for commitment. Also resist the urge to nag or make demands about other parts of the relationship. Basically be drama-free.
Add value to his life
Look for small ways to help him out and make his life better/easier. He’ll appreciate you so much for this.
Be positive
Bring light and laughter to his life. Don’t whine or complain. Be someone who he wants to be around, and boosts his mood, not brings him down.
Give him space
Let him have time for his friends, interests and hobbies. Don’t suffocate him or make him feel guilty for doing his own thing.
Compliment him
Make him feel good about himself by giving sincere compliments. Build up his confidence.
Be trustworthy
Never give him reason to doubt you. Be faithful, reliable and honest. This builds a foundation for commitment.
When you’re an awesome partner he can’t stand to be without, it becomes so much easier to get him to commit!
Drop Subtle Hints About the Future
One key strategy is to get him thinking about building a future together, without coming on too strong.
Sprinkle in comments about plans way down the road or using the word “we.”
Maybe comment on his interactions with kids and say something like “You’re going to make the best dad one day.” Get him to picture you having kids together.
Or mention a wedding you’re attending and say “If we ever get married, I’d want something small like this.”
The key is dropping these hints casually and not pressuring him. But they’ll get those wheels turning in his head about building a future with you.
Be Direct If Needed
If you’ve tried dropping hints but you’re still not sure how he feels about commitment, it may be time for a direct (but gentle) talk.
Pick a relaxed time when you’re alone together. Don’t ask while rushing out the door or when he’s distracted.
Keep it casual at first. You might say “So I’ve been thinking about our relationship lately…” and see where he takes the conversation.
If he seems avoidant, acknowledge you’ve noticed some hesitation from him about commitment. Ask if he sees you two going in that direction eventually or if he has hesitations.
Share honestly how you feel about him and that you can see a future together. But avoid giving an ultimatum that would put pressure on him.
See if there are any particular concerns holding him back that you can address together, like needing more time or clarity.
Suggest revisiting the conversation again in a few weeks or months. Sometimes guys just need more time to get clarity.
The goal is to get an honest dialogue going, not demand he commit immediately. Give him space to share his true feelings, even if they’re not what you hoped for.
Wait It Out Without Waiting Around
If all else fails, you may just need to wait it out a bit – but don’t put your life on hold in the process. Follow these tips:
Focus on your own goals and interests. Be your own independent, fulfilled person regardless of the relationship status.
Continue dating him, but also keep your options open. Go out more with friends and stay open to meeting new people.
Check in every few months about where his head is at, but avoid constant pressure.#
Pay attention to his actions more than words. If he acts committed in his behavior, that’s a good sign even if he doesn’t use labels.
Have standards for yourself. If it’s been years with no progress, be ready to walk away rather than waiting indefinitely.
Remember that a guy who truly cares will commit on his own timetable, not yours. You can’t force it.
By living your best life but making your needs known, you leave the door open for commitment when he’s ready.
