You’ve been dating a wonderful man for a while now, and you’re starting to envision a real future together.
You can picture lazy Sundays curled up together reading the paper, taking romantic weekend trips to the countryside, and one day even getting married and having children.
There’s just one problem – you have no idea where he stands when it comes to commitment. You don’t want to scare him away by demanding a commitment too soon. But you also don’t want to waste time in a relationship that’s going nowhere.
The good news is there are many effective yet low-pressure ways to inspire devotion and get him to commit to you wholeheartedly.
Ahead, I’ll give you step-by-step advice on creating optimal conditions for commitment, subtly communicating your relationship goals, and organically guiding your man towards desiring deeper commitment, all without requiring an ultimatum.
From building intimacy to having the “define the relationship” talk, you’ll learn the secrets to making him commit his heart to you while avoiding common mistakes that could trigger his fear of commitment.
Lay the Groundwork for a Strong Relationship
Before directly addressing commitment, the most important thing is to build a relationship that’s so wonderful he’d be a fool not to want to commit. Construct a solid foundation by:
Having Fun Together
Early in dating, focus on lighthearted fun and keeping things upbeat. Do activities you both genuinely enjoy that bring out your spontaneous, goofy sides.
Plan dates like mini golf, amusement parks, karaoke nights, dancing or comedy shows.
Laughter and carefree good times release bonding hormones called endorphins that bring you closer. They also prevent boredom from killing the spark.
Go for playful banter versus deep conversation. Be a little silly and joke around. Surprise him by bringing home a game or activity you can play together on your next cozy night in. Fun feeds intimacy.
Creating Emotional Intimacy
Slowly open up to each other to establish trust and understanding. Share childhood stories, past relationship experiences, insecurities, secrets you’ve never told anyone. Be vulnerable and accepting when he takes emotional risks too.
Deeper intimacy makes him feel safest with you. Send little texts during the day showing you’re thinking of him. Bring him his favorite coffee or snack just because. Intimate gestures reinforce that you really know and love him.
Respecting Independence
As close as you’re getting, also maintain autonomy. Don’t demand he spends every free minute with you or guilt him for making plans with friends.
Healthy relationships require personal freedom and trust. Let him go golfing with coworkers or on guy’s nights while you enjoy your own social life and hobbies. Missing each other builds desire.
Show you’re confident in the relationship by not overthinking lapses in communication. Don’t take out bad moods on him. Your love should be a safe haven, not another source of stress.
When you have vulnerability, support, spicy chemistry and space to be yourselves, you become his perfect partner and safe place to land.
Plant the Seeds of Exclusivity
Once you have established friendship, passion, respect and trust, you can start subtly conveying that you only have eyes for him. Some smooth ways to suggest you want to be exclusive include:
Only Making Plans with Him
Decline invitations to group outings or parties where singles mingle. Tell friends you plan to hang with your man that night instead. Cut off flirty communication with potential suitors. Unmatch past dating app matches, stop text flirting with his cute coworker you met at the holiday party.
Actions speak louder than words. Show him through your choices that he’s your one and only priority now.
Using the “L” Word
If you feel the magic “L” word, don’t be afraid to say it! But don’t demand the words in return or use them to pressure a commitment. Share your authentic feelings while giving him space to catch up. Hearing you love him will assure he’s your top choice.
Posting Cutesy Couple Pics
Upload sweet selfies on social media showing him off as your guy. Change your relationship status if you’re both comfortable. When all your friends know you’re an item, he’ll feel you’re headed for couplehood.
Making Future Plans Together
Start saying things like “When we move in together, I definitely want a place near the bike trail for your morning runs!” or “I can’t wait to finally meet your family at Christmas this year.”
Discussing the future you’ll share implies you’re planning a committed relationship. But again, no pressure or demands. Just get him envisioning further down the road.
Increase Quality Time Together
They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. While food is important, the way to inspiring devotion is actually by maximizing your face time. The more positive experiences you share, the more your lives will feel inevitably intertwined:
Enjoy Weekend Getaways
Escape your routine by getting out of town once in a while. Take a romantic trip filled with sights, activities, and alone time. Exploring new environments together helps you make unique shared memories. It also forces you to focus 100% on each other instead of everyday distractions.
Book a cozy Airbnb with a hot tub under the stars, then hit the slopes or trails during the day. Or check into a cool boutique hotel downtown and take in the local eats, drinks and entertainment all weekend. Come Monday, you’ll feel closer than ever.
Meet Each Other’s Friends and Family
Inviting him to bond with your circle, and vice versa, demonstrates genuine trust and intertwined lives. Have him meet your best gals for dinner so they can swap embarrassing stories about you. Attend his coworker’s kid’s birthday so he can show you off. Pop by his mom’s for Sunday dinner so she can tell childhood tales.
Getting familiar with those he’s closest to cements that you’re becoming part of one another’s inner circles. But take it slowly to avoid overwhelm on either side.
Make Plans Well in Advance
Rather than always making last minute plans, lock in future dates and activities weeks or months ahead. Ex: Book concert tickets for a band’s upcoming tour, pick a future weekend to host a dinner party, schedule a vacation around his time off work.
Making forward plans requires commitment. You’re indicating your intention to stay together down the road and sharing an easy envisioned future.
The more time building memories and integrating your lives, the more your subconsciouses will align around making it official.
Have Deeper Commitment-Related Talks
Up to this point, you’ve been letting your actions hint towards wanting commitment without putting it directly into words. But now it’s time to get real. Start bringing up commitment-adjacent topics to get you both thinking along the same lines:
Chat About Where You See Your Lives in 5 Years
Ask where he pictures himself in 5 years – does his vision sound compatible with what you envision? Share your hopes too. Maybe that’s getting married, having kids, owning a home together, traveling the world.
See if he includes you in his long term plans. If he pictures you still by his side years down the road, he’s clearly committed in his mind already.
Joke About What Your Couple Name Would Be
Come up with silly celebrity couple hybrid names for you two. This lighthearted game subtly gets him thinking long-term about your partnership.
Bring up questions like what you’d name your future kids or pets together. Or where you’d retire someday. Playfully paint the picture of a shared future life.
Dream Up Your Bucket List Trips Together
Chat about your ultimate travel wish list items – the Northern Lights, African safaris, hot air ballooning over Napa Valley. Then suggest putting a trip or two on the calendar together.
Dreaming up future escapades sparks that commitment mindset. Start actually booking something epic and he’ll feel invested in planning out your tomorrows.
Be the Most Captivating Version of Yourself
They say when you look good you feel good. Use that to your advantage by putting extra effort into your appearance and overall self-care. Bring out the best version of you that he’ll be super motivated to lock down.
Amp Up Your Style
Dress to impress on dates without going overboard. Find that sweet spot between casual everyday wear versus overly flashy hot mess. Aim for classy yet enticing outfits in his favorite colors that highlight your best assets.
Looking pulled together and hot-but-not-desperate reaffirms his eyes should stay on you. But steer clear of extremes like runway couture or librarian cardigans. Strike the style balance that speaks to who you authentically are.
Pursue Your Interests and Friendships
The most appealing partners have vibrant, well-rounded lives of their own. Seek out new hobbies and passion projects. Make time for girls’ nights and coffees to nurture your platonic relationships.
Staying active socially and intellectually outside the relationship prevents you from fixating on him 24/7. It ensures you have lots to talk about and remain an intriguing, independent woman.
Set and Achieve Personal Goals
Is there a job promotion you’ve been gunning for? A half marathon you want to run? A cooking class you’ve been dying to take? Pursue meaningful goals and passions.
Achieving growth and self-improvement is attractive. And the pride and confidence boost will give your relationship mood a major lift too.
The happier, more radiant version of yourself inspires his devotion. He’ll associate you with positive vibes and will want to savor your shine.
Have “The Talk”
Alright, you’ve laid the patient groundwork and dropped hints left and right. Now it’s time to gather your courage and initiate a clear conversation about officially defining your relationship.
Pick a Neutral Time
Don’t ambush him when one of you is already stressed, upset or distracted. Wait for a relaxed day when you’re calmly chilling together – maybe during a cozy movie night in.
Ease into the topic when you’re both feeling open and centered. State you don’t need an answer now but want to share feelings.
Use “I” Statements
Say things like “I’ve been so happy getting close to you over the past few months” or “I can really see a future with you.”
Focus on your emotions versus demanding to know his or issuing commands. This softens the feel of the conversation.
Suggest Taking the Next Step
“I’m ready to take this relationship to the next level and date exclusively. How do you feel about becoming official?”
If he balks, assure him you don’t want to rush things and are fine giving him more time. You just want to communicate where you’re at.
Raising the topic directly without aggression is key. Now the cards are all on the table to discuss honestly and openly.
What If He Still Won’t Commit?
Don’t Act Desperate – As eager as you are for his commitment, it’s crucial not to appear overly desperate, needy or pushy. Acting anxious will make him feel pressured and overwhelmed
Don’t constantly ask where he sees the relationship going. Broaching it occasionally is fine but hammering for answers often will stress him out.
Don’t pour angry energy into worrying why he hasn’t committed yet. Overanalyzing his pace or intentions will drive you crazy. Focus on enjoying the present.
Don’t smother him with constant texts/calls/plans when you sense him pulling away. Needing constant connection makes you seem clingy. Keep cool.
Don’t dramatically sob or issue threats if he says he’s not ready yet. Ultimatums backfire. React with grace and poise.
Don’t abandon all other interests just to be available whenever he calls. Maintain your social life and hobbies.
Don’t trash talk exes or hookups to seem “lower maintenance.” Taking the high road is wise.
Don’t give him an ultimatum or force his hand. This will backfire. Let things progress organically.
Instead, be proud of your courage for putting yourself out there. Hopefully he reciprocates your feelings and excitedly commits.
But if he needs more time to get there, proceed patiently and don’t resent his pacing.
Stay focused on your fabulous life outside the relationship, not chasing or begging for his commitment. Independence is empowering.
With trust, intimacy, fun and open communication, he’ll realize you’re a treasure he can’t stand to lose.
The more you respect yourselves and each other, the more willing he’ll be to devote himself 100%.
