You start dating a new guy and things seem to be going well. You’ve been on a few dates and the chemistry is there.

You really like him and you think there could be potential for things to get serious.

But then he says it—those dreaded words that no one ever wants to hear when things are going well:

“I think we should take things slow.”

Ugh! You think he’s basically just told you he’s not that into you without having to actually say it and end things.

Or at the very least he’s trying to buy time while he figures out if you’re what he really wants.

I’m sure your girlfriends have all kinds of theories about why men say they want to take new relationships slow.

The truth is there are a few reasons it tends to happen. And it doesn’t always mean things are doomed with Mr. “Let’s Take It Slow!”

Here’s what’s likely going on in his head and a few tips for navigating the tricky “taking it slow” conversation.

What does it mean when a man says he wants to take things slow?

1. He Needs Time to Get to Know You Better

This is probably one of the most common reasons men want to ease into new relationships.

Contrary to popular belief, men really do want an emotional connection in their relationships.

Taking things slow means having the time to build real intimacy—instead of just jumping into bed together.

He’ll want to have deep talks, understand your goals and dreams, know what makes you laugh so he can see if there’s true compatibility there.

This shows he’s looking for more than just great chemistry and physical attraction.

Those things fade if that’s all there is, after all.

So if he says he wants to take it slow to get to know you better, believe him!

This is a sign you have relationship potential in the long run.

Be patient, focus on communication and really listen to learn about who he truly is as a person.

Tips if this is why he wants to go slow:

• Don’t push him to get serious or put labels on the relationship before he’s ready
• Plan thoughtful date activities focused on talking, not just having fun
• Share things about yourself gradually to match his pace
• Ask questions to learn what’s important to him

Letting the emotional connection grow first, without pressure, can lead to a lasting relationship down the road.

2. He’s Been Hurt Before

Men don’t always talk about it, but they’ve usually been burned in past relationships just like many women have.

Your guy could’ve gone through a bad breakup or even a divorce.

This can naturally make him hesitant to rush into anything serious with you until he knows for sure you’re different.

When men take things slow after being hurt, it’s their way of showing they value relationships and don’t want to repeat painful past mistakes.

It may be frustrating but try to be patient and understanding. Rebuilding trust takes time.

If he says he’s been hurt before and wants to go slowly, recognize that vulnerability from him.

He sees long-term potential with you or he wouldn’t bring this up at all.

Tips if he’s been hurt before:

• Let him set the pace without pressuring him
• Don’t take his hesitations personally
• Offer reassurance if he expresses doubts or worries
• Share your relationship values and goals early on
• Give him examples of your trustworthiness

Creating an emotionally safe space can help him open up. When he feels secure with you, be willing to wait until he’s ready to commit.

3. He’s Not Looking for Anything Too Serious

This reason is the hardest to hear if you really like him, but brace yourself—he might’ve meant exactly what he said about taking it slow.

Some guys simply aren’t ready for long-term relationships for various reasons.

Maybe he just got out of something significant and needs time to find himself again.

Perhaps he’s laser-focused on his career or education right now and can’t balance more. Or his lifestyle isn’t suited for serious commitment.

While blunt, him wanting to go slow can be his way of saying he enjoys spending time with you, but doesn’t see it becoming anything more.

It’s the nice way of keeping things in “friends zone” territory while he weighs his options.

Tips if he’s not looking for anything serious now:

• Don’t view it as a rejection of you necessarily
• Clarify what he means to manage expectations
• Date others if you’re looking for a real relationship
• Keep things light, friendly if you enjoy his company
• Move on fully if you want something deeper

You deserve someone who’s just as enthused to commit to you, when the time is right. Listen to his reasons, then do what’s best for you.

4. He’s Genuinely Very Busy Right Now

For some men, the timing truly just isn’t right to prioritize dating—no matter how much they might like you.

Life is pulling them in many directions between work, education, family issues, health problems, or other commitments.

If he seems interested in you, makes an effort to see you when possible, but wants to go slowly—it’s possible he genuinely just has limited time now.

His reasons could be very valid and have nothing to do with hesitations about you or the relationship potential.

Tips if he’s genuinely too busy:

• Be understanding and patient
• Suggest occasional casual dates that accommodate his schedule
• Don’t demand too much time from him right away
• Focus on quality over quantity when you do see each other
• Ask thoughtful questions to learn about his priorities

The key is adjusting your expectations and not making assumptions. Listen to where he’s coming from. Building flexibility early on can help balance his life with dating.

Have An Honest Conversation

It’s important to have open, honest communication with your guy to understand what “taking things slow” means to him specifically and why he feels that way.

The reasons can vary greatly from lost trust to limited availability and everywhere in between.

While it can feel discouraging to hear, going slowly isn’t always a bad thing. It comes down to trusting his intentions.

Be patient if things seem right otherwise, and move on if your relationship goals ultimately don’t align.

Starting fresh with someone new is complicated for everyone.

Respecting each other’s pace while getting to know one another better first can create an incredible foundation when you’re both ready to commit.