You meet someone, start dating, and things seem to be going well. You’ve connected, had fun together, and can see potential for a real relationship.

But then, suddenly…nothing.

They stop responding to your texts. Your calls go straight to voicemail. It’s like they’ve vanished into thin air.

You’re left confused, hurt, and with a million unanswered questions.

This experience has become all too common in our world of modern dating. It even has a name – ghosting.…and it’s happened to me. 

When I’ve been ghosted, I’ve felt deeply hurt and rejected, but I’ve always managed to bounce back. 

In this article, I’m going to explore the origins of ghosting, the underlying psychology, and provide tips on how to heal and regain your self-confidence after being on the receiving end of a ghost.

While ghosting can be extremely painful, you can recover and come out the other side stronger. 

I hope this guide will help you process the experience, gain closure, and move forward. 

What is Ghosting?

Ghosting refers to when someone you are dating or in a relationship with suddenly stops all communication with you, without any warning or explanation. 

They simply disappear from your life, like a ghost.

You’ll try texting them, calling them, sending emails, reaching out on social media – but no response ever comes. It’s as if they vanished into thin air.

This leaves you constantly checking your phone, wondering what happened. It’s an abrupt end to the relationship, without closure. You’re left with unanswered questions, self-doubt, and feelings of rejection.

The Origins of Ghosting

Ghosting existed long before online dating and texting became ubiquitous. 

In the past, someone might “ghost” by no longer taking your calls or just avoiding you in public. But technology has enabled, and arguably encouraged, ghosting on a whole new level.

Online dating sites and apps made it easier than ever to meet new people. The sheer number of options led to quick turnover in connections. 

If someone new catches your eye, it’s tempting to ghost the last person and move on to the next match.

Texting and messaging also provide an easy, no-confrontation way to end communication, compared to the awkwardness of an in-person breakup or phone call. 

If you just stop responding to someone’s texts, they eventually get the hint.

Social media adds another layer too. If someone ghosts you, they can simply block you on all platforms to cut off any remaining access you had to them.

Why Do People Ghost?

There are a few common reasons someone might resort to ghosting:

1. Avoiding Uncomfortable Conversations

For many, ghosting appeals because it avoids the messiness of a real breakup. They don’t have to explain why they’ve lost interest or provide reasons for ending the relationship. Ghosting dodges the awkwardness of that tough conversation.

2. Fear of Confrontation

Similarly, some ghost out of fear of confrontation or not wanting to deal with your emotional reaction. They worry you’ll argue to stay together, demand answers, or try to convince them to change their minds. Ghosting avoids all of that.

3. Lack of Empathy

Unfortunately, others ghost simply because they don’t care about your feelings. They aren’t empathetic to the hurt it will cause you. Out of selfishness or indifference, they have no issue cutting you off without notice.

4. Fading Interest

In some cases, ghosting happens when interest gradually fades, rather than ending abruptly. They respond to you less and less frequently, hints of pulling away, until communication peters out completely. It’s a slow death rather than sudden ghosting.

5. They Found Someone Else

Harshly, ghosting might happen because they’ve met someone new. Rather than honestly end things with you, they simply begin focusing on the new person. Eventually you’re phased out entirely.

6. You Weren’t Official Anyway

If you only went on a few dates but weren’t yet a “couple,” some feel justified in ghosting. They rationalize that they don’t owe you an explanation since you weren’t officially together.

Why Does Ghosting Hurt So Much?

Being ghosted can leave you feeling confused, angry, sad, embarrassed, and deeply hurt. But why does it hurt so much, even when it was just a new relationship? There are a few key psychological reasons:

It Triggers Rejection

Our brains are wired to connect with others. So being suddenly cut off triggers our “social rejection alarm system.” We’re left feeling excluded, which humans instinctively dislike.

It Causes Ambiguity

Ghosting leaves total ambiguity. You’re left wondering what happened, analyzing mixed signals and replaying your last interactions. With no closure, your brain obsessively fills in the blanks.

It Damages Self-Worth

You’re left worrying that you did something wrong, weren’t good enough, or that there’s something unlovable about you. Ghosting can undermine your self-confidence and self-image.

It Violates Expectations

Particularly after intimacy, ghosting seems to violate social norms or expectations. We expect basic respect and communication from intimate partners, so ghosting shocks our system.

You Can’t Achieve Closure

Without answers for why it ended, you can’t process it and work towards closure. The confusion keeps your emotional wound open and raw.

So, in short, our brains don’t cope well with the abrupt loss of connection and the unresolved ambiguity. The lack of closure conflicts with our nature as social creatures.

How to Cope with Being Ghosted

If you’ve been ghosted, here are some tips to help you recover:

Recognize it’s not your fault: Don’t blame yourself or let it damage your self-worth. Ghosting is 100% on the other person.

Give yourself time to process it: Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you need to. Confusion, hurt and anger are normal!

Avoid obsessing or fixation: Constantly checking their social media or wanting answers will only drive you crazy. Let it go.

Lean on friends for support: Turn to people who care about you. Having company helps ease the pain.

Remove reminders and move forward: Hide their number, remove photos, and start to envision life without them.

Take the high road if they return: If a ghost re-appears, you have every right to ignore them. But if you want closure, be the bigger person.

Learn the signs for next time: Look for early hints of pulling away, so you can address it directly and not be blindsided again.

Remember self-worth comes from within: Don’t let others’ bad behavior define you. Healing takes time, but you’ll regain confidence.