Why Do Guys Go Cold After A Breakup AND How To Handle It

Have you ever been completely blindsided when a guy you were dating suddenly went ice cold after a breakup?

One day you’re happy together, and the next – poof – he vanishes without warning, leaving you hurt and confused.

First, take a deep breath.

His withdrawal likely has little to do with you.

In fact, pulling away post-breakup is a common reaction for men as they process the tidal wave of emotions that come with splitting from someone they cared about.

It may seem cold on the surface, but there are legitimate reasons guys instinctively go into self-protection mode.

This period of silence is often temporary if the relationship was overall healthy. With time, patience, and understanding, he’ll likely thaw out his freeze-out once the intensity of the breakup emotions subside.

Getting insight into why exes stonewall after ending relationships can spare you needless pain from taking it personally.

Table of Contents

9 Reasons Why Guys Go Cold After A Breakup

1. He’s Processing The Breakup

For many guys, going cold is a coping mechanism after a split. Breakups cause an intense wave of emotions that your ex might not know how to handle at first. So he avoids you and cuts contact while he processes those feelings.

It doesn’t mean he hates you.

He just needs solo time to wrap his head around the breakup before interacting with you again. This period can last a few weeks or months depending on how long you dated.

But once the dust settles, he’ll likely warm back up and resume normal communication.

2. He Wants To Heal

Your ex also goes cold to help diminish romantic feelings for you. Let’s face it – staying in touch right after a breakup makes moving on difficult.

Every text or call reignites memories and makes him miss you.

By avoiding contact, your ex hopes to detach himself emotionally so he can heal. It’s easier for him to get over you when there’s distance between you.

Once his feelings fade, he’ll feel safe reaching out without falling back in love.

3. He’s Protecting Himself

If you did the breaking up, your ex might cut contact to shield himself from more hurt. Getting dumped is devastating enough. Talking to you while his heart mends only intensifies the pain.

So he removes you from his life temporarily to avoid further wounds. It may seem cold, but it’s actually self-preservation until he’s strong enough to interact without aching over lost love.

He’ll resume contact once he’s rebuilt his confidence.

4. He Feels Rejected

Even if you mutually agreed to split, breakups leave guys feeling rejected on some level. After all, the person they wanted a future with backed out.

These feelings of inadequacy often send men running to lick their wounds solo.

Your ex needs time away to nurse his bruised ego before facing you again. Let him withdraw and reaffirm his self-worth without you.

In a few weeks or months, he’ll regain his confidence and seek contact once he’s ready.

5. He Wants You To Miss Him

This reason might sting, but some guys go cold to make their ex miss them. It’s a bit manipulative, but your absence makes his heart grow fonder in his mind.

Plus, he hopes you’ll get anxious and chase him if he pulls away.

If this tactic is too hurtful, kindly ask your ex to give you space if he contacts you again. Clear communication can ease confusion. And if he keeps playing games, you’re better off without him.

6. He’s Angry Or Bitter

Raw emotions like anger and bitterness often drive an ex’s cold shoulder too. If betrayal, lies, or other hurtful events led to the split, your ex might resent you post-breakup. Shutting you out helps avoid lashing out.

Over time, bitterness fades as the wound heals. So be patient, and don’t retaliate or criticize him if he unfreezes later.

Simply wish him well if he’s no longer toxic and move forward. Anger thaws faster with empathy.

7. He Wants Control

Some guys also go cold because they hate feeling out of control after a breakup. Their ex calling the shots clashes with how guys are socialized to steer relationships. So they freeze you out to regain control.

If this applies to your situation, avoid power struggles if he returns. Compromise and give your ex input on friendship terms. His need for control will subside once he no longer feels powerless.

8. He’s Immature

In less mature guys, ghosting post-breakup stems from immaturity, not spite. They simply don’t have the tools yet to handle emotional conversations. So they dodge them by avoiding you entirely.

Have compassion if an immature ex pulls this. But don’t tolerate rudeness or ambiguity if he unfreezes later. State your needs firmly and walk away if he refuses to communicate properly. You deserve basic decency.

9. He’s Moved On

As hard as it is to hear, some exes turn cold because they’ve moved on. Whether they’re seeing someone new or are done for good, reaching out no longer interests them. So they cut contact decisively.

If this fits your ex, cry it out, then start moving forward too. You’ll get through this and find love again. And one day, his memory will fade, even if the goodbye seemed harsh. Better days await you.

When Will He Come Back?

It’s tricky predicting when a cold ex will warm back up. Again, timelines vary based on factors like your relationship length and how things ended. Here are some ballparks:

Short flings – He may unfreeze in 1-2 weeks.
Relationships under 6 months – Give it 1-3 months.
Long relationships – Wait 3-6 months or longer.
Bad breakups – Could take 6+ months. Tread carefully.

Regardless of when he reconnects, focus on you first. Pursue hobbies, hang with friends, and heal. If your ex returns unfrozen and kind, great.

But don’t pine away. You deserve support while recovering too.

Should You Text Him First?

Reaching out to an icy ex often backfires. He needs more time and space, so communicate that if he unfreezes. Otherwise, stay silent and let him come to you. It’s maddening, but attempting contact just leads to more rejection.

If you two share kids or must interact for work, keep conversations logistical. Don’t get personal or try reconnecting, even if his coldness frustrates you. For now, politeness and distance are key during this prickly phase.

How To Act When He Returns

If your ex does resume contact after his deep freeze, proceed with caution. Follow these tips to keep the peace and not regress:

Be polite. Don’t lash out or assign blame, even if his withdrawal hurt you. Kill him with kindness if possible.
Don’t rush things. Keep communication superficial at first. Don’t dive straight into deep talks about the relationship.
Set boundaries. Make your needs clear if he treats you poorly. Walk away if he ignores them.
Don’t hook up. Sexual chemistry makes moving on harder. Avoid intimacy to stay detached.
Mirror his effort. Reciprocate if he’s consistent and kind. Pull back if he’s hot and cold.
Go slow. Rebuilding trust after ghosting takes time. Don’t bare your soul overnight.
Stay neutral. Don’t criticize or defend the relationship yet. Keep talks calm.
Know when to quit. If toxicity persists, say goodbye for good. You deserve peace.