Relationships take work. They require effort, compromise, communication, and patience from both partners.
However, it’s not uncommon for one partner to stop putting in the effort the relationship requires.
Typically, it’s the guy who ends up dropping the ball. So why do guys stop trying in relationships? There are a few key reasons this tends to happen.
9 Main Reasons Why Guys Stop Trying In A Relationship
1. They Get Too Comfortable
Once the honeymoon phase wears off and a relationship settles into a comfortable routine, it’s easy for guys to get complacent. They may assume their girlfriend will always be there no matter what, so they stop making an effort to nurture the relationship.
This can be a dangerous assumption! No relationship can survive long-term if only one partner is putting in effort. Comfort and complacency kill relationships. Guys need to actively work to keep things exciting and invest in the relationship, even after the initial infatuation fades.
2. They Have Commitment Issues
For some men, complacency masks a deeper fear of true emotional intimacy and commitment. If they start to get too comfortable, it can trigger anxiety and make them begin to withdraw.
Men with commitment issues often sabotage relationships unconsciously when things start to get more serious. They may start picking fights, finding faults in their partner, emotionally withdrawing, or subconsciously self-sabotaging due to fear of abandonment.
Recognizing any tendency towards commitment phobia and doing the inner work to overcome it is key. Otherwise, men will keep abandoning relationships that have potential. Don’t let past wounds rob you of real love.
3. They Lose Interest
Sadly, sometimes guys just lose interest in their girlfriends over time. The initial attraction fades, they get bored, and their eye starts to wander. They figure the grass must be greener on the other side, so they stop trying in the relationship.
This often stems from immaturity and a lack of understanding of healthy relationships. Love is a choice you make each day through your actions, not just a feeling. Guys who lose interest aren’t choosing love. They’re being selfish and pursuing fleeting emotions rather than investing in their partner.
4. They Don’t Want To Be In The Relationship Anymore
In some cases, a man has simply fallen out of love and no longer wants to remain in the relationship. The chemistry and attraction is gone for him, and he has mentally checked out already.
He may stick around out of obligation, inertia or convenience rather than breaking it off. But his heart is no longer in it, so he stops trying. As painful as it is, sometimes affection fades and couples do just grow apart.
If your needs aren’t being met for an extended time and your partner seems disengaged, it may be time to have a frank talk about whether the relationship should continue. Don’t cling to something neither of you truly want anymore out of fear or comfort.
5. They Don’t Understand Women’s Needs
Many guys are simply oblivious to what women need to feel happy and secure in a relationship. Women thrive on meaningful communication, shared experiences, words of affirmation, and thoughtfulness from their partner. But many guys just don’t get it.
They figure that as long as they’re financially providing or being faithful, they’re doing their job. But women need so much more than that! Guys have to make an effort to tune into their lady’s emotional needs and make them a priority. Otherwise, women will feel neglected.
6. Personal Issues Get in the Way
Stress, depression, insecurity, exhaustion, and other personal issues can cause guys to withdraw from the relationship without realizing it. They may be so wrapped up in their own problems that they become emotionally unavailable to their girlfriend.
While understandable, this still damages the relationship. Men dealing with personal problems need to communicate what they’re going through rather than isolating their partner. And they need to seek help so they can be fully present in the relationship again.
7. They Take the Relationship for Granted
When you’ve been with someone for a long time, it can be easy to take them and the relationship for granted. You assume your partner will always be there no matter what, so you stop appreciating them or putting in real effort.
However, every relationship requires active effort and appreciation. Taking your girlfriend for granted by failing to express appreciation for her or put in effort sets the relationship up for failure. Don’t let complacency undermine a great thing!
8. Communication Breaks Down
Open, honest communication is crucial for any healthy relationship. But over time, many couples slip into poor communication habits that damage the relationship. Differences go unresolved, resentment builds up, and partners stop confiding in each other.
When communication breaks down, guys often start to withdraw. Instead of expressing how they feel, they shut down. This starves the relationship of intimacy. Guys have to learn to communicate constructively, even when it’s hard. Otherwise, the relationship deteriorates.
9. They Have Unrealistic Standards
Some guys develop unrealistic standards about love and relationships from things like rom-coms, porn, or social media. When reality fails to live up to their lofty ideals, they get disappointed in their partner and the relationship.
Rather than trying to work through issues or build deeper intimacy, they give up. They think the spark is gone or that something must be wrong. Really, the issue is their own unrealistic standards. Love is messy sometimes! True commitment means working through imperfections.
What to do when he stops putting in effort?
Communicate Openly With Your Boyfriend
The first step is to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend. Pick a relaxed time when you are both feeling calm and receptive.
Avoid accusatory language like “you never” or “you always.” Use “I feel…” statements to express how his lack of effort makes you feel, like sad, worried, or neglected.
Ask him how he has been feeling about the relationship lately. There may be something going on you don’t know about that is impacting his ability to put in effort.
Listen with an open mind and heart. The goal is to understand where he is coming from, not to blame each other.
Ask Questions
During your conversation, ask thoughtful questions to better understand his perspective, like:
- What changes have you noticed in our relationship recently?
- How have those changes made you feel?
- Is there anything in particular that has been making you less motivated in our relationship?
- What do you feel like you need more or less of from me or the relationship?
- How can we work together to make things better between us?
Really listen to his responses without judgment. Learning more about his feelings and experiences will help guide you towards solutions.
Share Your Own Perspective
After he has shared his thoughts, open up about your own perspective. I statements like “I feel lonely when we don’t spend quality time together” or “It hurts when I don’t feel like a priority” can help convey the emotional impact in a non-blaming way. Focus the conversation on the relationship, not just his flaws. Share what you need and value in a relationship and ways you both can put in more effort.
Take Time to Reflect
After your initial conversation, give yourselves some time and space to reflect on what was discussed. Consider your own role in the situation – are there things you could be doing to be a more engaged, attentive partner too? Think about specific actions each of you can take to strengthen your connection and spark romance. Write down your thoughts.
Identify Root Causes
Try to identify any root causes behind your boyfriend’s drop in effort. Has he been stressed, depressed, or preoccupied with other obligations like work or school? Have you been arguing more or nagging him about things that build resentment? Pinpointing potential reasons can help you tackle them directly through better support, reduced conflicts, or improved time management.
Set Concrete Goals
Come up with specific, measurable goals for how each of you can help improve the relationship. Maybe you will spend 30 minutes of quality time together every night, leave sweet notes for each other, or try one new date activity per week. Setting tangible goals versus vague ones like “be more romantic” makes it easier to follow through and track progress.
Follow Through With Action
After reflecting and goal setting, it’s time to walk the walk. Words alone won’t revive a tired relationship – effort and dedication from both partners is required. Start implementing the changes you discussed to actively strengthen your bond and spark positive momentum.
Increase Quality Time
One of the most fundamental ways to boost intimacy and romance in a relationship is through shared experiences. Make sure you are spending enough quality time together, free of TV, phones, and other distractions. Engage in activities you both enjoy like cooking meals together, taking weekend getaways, going dancing, playing sports or games, etc. Focus on having fun versus just staring at each other.
Trade Off Planning Dates
Take turns coming up with fun new date ideas and planning the details. Mix up your usual dinner and a movie with more engaging, interactive dates like mini golf, painting classes, hiking, checking out a new festival, or whatever aligns with your interests. Experiencing new things together fosters closeness.
Show Appreciation
Expressing genuine gratitude and admiration for your partner is hugely important. We all want to feel valued and noticed. Make a regular effort to tell your boyfriend what you appreciate about him – from big things like how caring he is to smaller things like how cute his bedhead looks. Thank him when he puts effort into dates or helping you out. Show you notice the good stuff.
Increase Physical Affection
When the passion starts fading, increased physical touch and intimacy helps reboot that spark between you. Hold hands, hug, snuggle on the couch, give massages, and initiate sex when you are in the mood. Physical closeness promotes oxytocin, the bonding hormone. But don’t force physical interactions if your partner isn’t interested.
Seek Outside Perspective
If you try working on things together but are still struggling to connect, don’t be afraid to seek outside help. A couples counselor can help you communicate more constructively, understand each other’s perspectives, and learn tools to strengthen your bond for the long haul. Investing in the relationship is worthwhile.
Stay Patient and Positive
Reviving a tired relationship takes time and consistent effort from both people. There will be ups and downs. Try to keep perspective during the downs and remain focused on your shared love and goals. Be patient and keep communicating. With continued nurturing from you both, your relationship can find its way back to an even stronger, deeper connection. The key is being proactive together.
